Catching up with published poems.
ambergris in Rattle (Poets Respond), (Jun 2021), Chill Anomaly in Mslexia (Poet Laureate theme), (Sep-Nov Issue 2021), Thank You in Verse Daily, (Jan 2022), loss count in Magma 82, Obsidian issue, (Mar 2022), …—… in Illuminations: An International Magazine of Contemporary Writing Issue 37, (May 2022), In The Air and Free Feeling, Light Healing in student text book anthology Disaster Matters: Disasters Matter, (May 2022), 3 poems (Ouroboros, Mango Truths, Oprah’s Live Interview With Aurelius Augustinus aka St. Augustine of Hippo…) in Lolwe Issue 5, (Jun 2022).
ambergris
some pyrite worms gobbled long ago stayed
lodged in our throats. irritated. we tried
honey. we hacked. we swallowed hard.
it took a stab in the black for us to gob it
all out. look. listen. amber chunks dredged
up from the deepdark. spewed. putrid and
staining pristinebeach pages. smell this glo-
bular mass mess churned inside beastbellies.
though not worth millions, still priceless. and
you, just humming along. minding your own
business. dipping a curious hook in for some
thing glistening in an ocean of words. you can
feed your self and your whole village for some
time, with this one truth nugget you fished out
[Written in response to this news article, ‘Fishermen catch 280-pound chunk of whale vomit worth $1.5M‘, which seemed a perfect metaphor for poetry.]
Chill Anomaly
Despite scientific papers detailing stronger grips since
the hurricane, last night we looked on wide-eyed as
frigid lizards fell noisily from the trees. It was so cold,
already traumaed thighs rubbed to friction heat, and we
seriously surmised our tropical island surely must have
been dragged, or was drifting, more distant from the real,
but imaginary, elemental equatorial line. Last night our
sleep-through-the-night baby did not, and finally, we fell
asleep at daybreak; egg-fragile—still feeling night’s chill, axis off-balance.
[Written in response to this news article, ‘How frigid lizards falling from trees revealed the reptiles’ growing cold tolerance‘.]
Thank You
After W.S. Merwin
Listen—
In exhausted dawn silence, damp rising mist, we are
thinking—thank you. We are waking, counting our
dead, weighing up damage, picking slow way through
glass, seeking water, finding food, and thinking, thank you.
We do not look at the sky, the windows are gone, standing
in water we look down, then out, and think thank you—still.
There is no news, no current and the phones have no charge.
The cars are not where we left them, the roads, bridges and
safety rails are gone, but we go on thinking thank you. Police
are armed but not beating our doors; they are not home, not
at the station, but guarding the stores—thank you, we think.
Past and future do not yet exist and we think, thank you.
We do not hear birds but see forest blown down, rivers rage.
Our faces dead, drained, we hardly remember our names,
but trust us—we feel still—thankful. In this now morning
after, this brutal wake-up silence, this downsidetippedup
outsidenowin we are deciphering, thank you thank you: if
only for these two words we all still easily re-call for now.
Listen—
loss count
After Danusha Laméris
since Maria, i ritual burn incense every
day, to celebrate life—like Lucille asked.
our crucible isles have literally formed
whole genres around disasters and shifty
resilient recoveries. round after infinite
round of natural and unnatural fates
faced. despite being bright brochured
SIN and WIN for the pandemic, this is
no easy Eden paradise and La Soufrière
has just erupted. our neighbours brace
for grave loss and ash is something else
now fearfully adrift in the atmosphere.
just last week our horizon was a haze
of Saharan dust. we seem forever trying
to clear grey matter—mounting slag, heaps
of things not yet settled, blowing up; re-
igniting—yes—even after all this time.
God of Numbers turns tallied stone tablet.
we count heads breaths hours—heart beats
till her next insatiable devouring
[Note: Safe In Nature (SIN) and Work In Nature (WIN), are pandemic tourism and marketing initiatives by the Discover Dominica Authority (DDA). The poem was written in response to the Saint Vincent Soufrière volcano eruption in April 2021.]
…—…
For Martin C. Sorhaindo RIPE 09.09.1932 to 30.10.1999
On the night I was born
my father’d been lost
for days at sea .
They said he’d drifted
got stranded between two islands
alone .
He said he gave
out Morse code signals with
his light
but he’d got his dots and dashes crossed
communicated Victory
instead of SOS .
And that is how it was all his life –
but I saw
the boisterous waves he gave
the signs
of his distress
[I wrote this poem a few years back, in loving memory of my Dad (it was long-listed for the UK National Poetry Competition 2017/18). It was inspired (not meant to reflect actual events) by a story Dad used to tell us about when he and his brother were out fishing in a small boat, lost their oars and were drifting further and further out to sea. Luckily they were spotted and rescued, but he was giving out the wrong Morse code signals with his torch. Victory instead of SOS. 🙂
hint: the punctuation marks are a key part of the poem.]
Free Feeling, Light Healing
All these years after, we still easily recall,
How things completely changed for us all.
Maria trashed land, took homes, took life.
Left aftermath of pure hardship and strife.
But throughout our history, it’s often shown,
We rise and rise from whatever is thrown.
But let’s not pretend that everything’s fine,
Human repairs can take a lot more time.
Some wounds lie deep, cannot yet heal,
Yet we smile, denying how we truly feel.
Beneath that shroud of newly grown green,
Festers tender wounds spreading unseen.
Don’t feel no way if you’re still feeling sad;
If you are depressed, it’s not something bad.
So many things we bury, brush over and hide;
Suppress and ignore, feel we can never confide.
Please be gentle with us, who aren’t yet ready,
To stand alone, strong, resilient and rocksteady.
There are parts of self we shut down tight,
Looming shadows that are never shown light.
Trauma can mean some unhealthy seeds sown,
Growing roots through generations unknown.
It’s time for all feelings to be bravely set free,
So we can heal fully, inside out—properly.
[Disaster Matters : Disasters Matter, primarily aimed as an important textbook resource for students, was edited by Yvonne Weekes and Wendy McMahon, and published by House of Nehesi Publishers. “The text can be used as a resource to inform students about the nature of disasters experienced in the Caribbean, while also sensitising them about the consequences of these disasters and how the region can rebuild and mitigate against them. It offers schools an inter-disciplinary approach that can cover a range of disciplines such as English A and B, Theatre Arts, Social Studies, Geography, and Science. Dr. Weekes, who disclosed that it was launching for the first time in Barbados, explained that it was an anthology of 52 Caribbean writers, some of whom were internationally known, while others were being published for the first time. …Highlighting the importance of the anthology, she stated: “It’s bringing science and the arts together; it’s a study of how we look at hazards; how we look at developing a curriculum which isn’t myopic…. So, what we are trying to do with this text is to make sure that teachers from across the Caribbean understand ‘the imagination role’ in understanding the science.””
Dedicated “To all the children of the Caribbean who have themselves experienced a disaster”.]
Ouroboros
William Arens declared the death of our ritual man-eating ‘othering’ myths, but in the circle
I say my name, then shamelessly, confess, show-off my secret, cannibal. A trillion billion
years from now, perhaps we’ll be radiotrophic and humane. Until then, I say, hear, eat this!
I dish out my fleshed out blackink body of cooked-up words. Ask, please, can I have more.
…
I am a SELFÆTA
*CANNIBAL*
My habits are cannibalistic
*CANNIBAL*
I ruminate loopily on my thoughts
*CANNIBAL*
I gnaw a nagging piece of hangnail
*CANNIBAL*
I bite my nails; nibble edge of finger
*CANNIBAL*
I devour all forms of human material
*CANNIBAL*
I consume social media feeds of others
*CANNIBAL*
I am consumed by my own self…hate…love
*CANNIBAL*
My body sometimes attacks and devours itself
*CANNIBAL*
I nourish plant roots with their own cut off leaves
*CANNIBAL*
We feed off each other’s ideas…we feed off each other
*CANNIBAL*
We make rituals of feeding ourselves to ourselves and others
*CANNIBAL*
I expected someone else’s energy to always fill and sustain me
*CANNIBAL*
Corporate media bodies feed negatives; charge thoughts and feelings
*CANNIBAL*
Corpulent babies feed off mothers and fathers; later this gets reversed
*CANNIBAL*
I fear some thing, already grown huge, will continue to feed off our fear
*CANNIBAL*
Nature says in plain letters, it’s all natural as hell to turn on ur self and eat
*CANNIBAL
The bodies of water and land we feed from are full of human bones and flesh
*CANNIBAL*
The manicou chews on its own tail, dangles it in water, baits fish with the blood
*CANNIBAL*
Columbus mistook Caribe for Caniba. The rest is a history we’ve been force-fed
*CANNIBAL*
He said “Take. Eat. This is My body which is broken for you. Do this…” and I did
*CANNIBAL*
I chew on the word transubstantiation; try to swallow the meaning; try not to choke
*CANNIBAL*
I feed poems my confusion, questions, my pain and joy—whatever they want to devour
*CANNIBAL*
My poems make a meal of me—cut-up, grind-down, feast, ingest, digest, belch out words
*CANNIBAL*
I feed poems my confusion, questions, my pain and joy—whatever they want to devour
*CANNIBAL*
I chew on the word transubstantiation; try to swallow the meaning; try not to choke
*CANNIBAL*
He said “Take. Eat. This is My body which is broken for you. Do this…” and I did
*CANNIBAL*
…
Mango Truths
If I had been Adam—or Eve, forget
the cynic’s apple, my downfall fruit
would have been a stolen mango—
not too soft—eaten with teeth spitting
out skin, sucking, gnawing flesh down
to fibrous seed white like bone.
My mango addiction was once
haunted by unwitting bite into ghastly
burrowed worms—but I’ve learned good
lessons from Everything, Even my bad
experisenses. Now, I eat
my own
mangoes in good light,
ecstatic eyes open like theirs,
but guilt-free,
enjoying the pleasure
again; steeling
myself—come what may.
If Atum and Eve were here now
—our mythic 01 binary opposites
split to spiralling 6 and 9 perhaps—
we would get drunk on the ripe fruit,
I would ask who and why, and hope
the answer was not γ with history’s long long tale;
I would let them spill out their
one or two sides; ask their POV on
the Pelagius vs Augustine story.
As for that lithe low lying snake,
I would sidle up beside it—
breathe breathlessly into its ear—
Ssssssnake tasssssste thissssss juiccccccy mangooooooo
then split my sides and die
laughing out loud.
Oprah’s Live Interview With Aurelius Augustinus aka St. Augustine of Hippo
(unfortunately, the Saint’s answers have not survived time)
I’m sure our audience watching knows all about you
but in case some don’t, give us a brief introduction
So, you were born in AD 354, in the Roman-Berber city Thagaste
in Numidia, North Africa, what we now call Souk Ahras, Algeria
Would you consider yourself African
Heritage—Roman—Berber
I’m curious—do you see yourself
as a member of the Black race
or not
Let me ask you, did you ever experience
discrimination
What’s your view about the supposed curse
of Ham What was the general view held at that time
You started from humble beginnings How do you think
that shaped your life Tell us about your childhood growing up
Your siblings were Navigius and Perpetua What were they like
What did they do Were you all close
Did you have any other siblings
I’m curious—I’ve never read about your grandparents
Did you know them
What about your lineage, your ancestors
How do you think
having a Pagan father and Christian mother influenced your childhood, if at all
Your parents made many serious sacrifices
for your education Did you feel
that put a lot of pressure on you to perform
How did your siblings feel
about you receiving such special attention
Do you believe in astrology by the way Your star sign is Scorpio
Would you say you’re a typical Scorpio
You had your son Adeodatus at a young age, 17, what impact
do you think that had on your life
Would you say you were a good
father
Your father died when you were 17, the same year your son was born, what impact
did his death have on you
And your son died at 17, a couple years after your mother died at age 56
How did they die
Your son’s name means given by God, and he was prematurely taken by God
A couple close friends of yours died too, am I right How did you cope with all this loss
Did you feel at the time, that these untimely deaths, were all God’s divine will
Tell us about that period in your life It must have been a very traumatic
time for you Did your faith help you through or was it severely tested
What other traumatic experiences have you had in your life
How would you describe your relationship with your father Patricius
I read you thought he should have been a bit stricter with you Set a better example
How do you think your father’s
affairs affected your mother How was their marriage
How did all of this affect you and your siblings
Do you still blame
him for your “sinfulness,” your promiscuity, when you were younger
Now, your autobiography, Confessions; which some say was the first “modern” autobiography
You wrote it in Latin in your early 40’s and it covers your pre-conversion to Christianity—
your “sinful” years There are 13 books in total I read them all It’s intensely personal
and well written I loved it I got a real rounded sense of you, your character, flaws and all
Why did you feel the need to make a print perpetual public confession
using this literary form—reveal so much about yourself and your thinking
What inspired or drove you to write it
How do you respond to those who say Confessions was an attempt to portray yourself
as more faithful to Christian teachings than Christ, and wash off any suspicious taints
of your previous Manichaeism and Neoplatonism beliefs
You miss out quite a few key events though, and dwell on events some may view as unimportant
Can you tell us the reasons behind these decisions about what it would and wouldn’t contain
What were you hoping readers would get from it
What was the response to it like
So, after moving to Milan, you converted to the Catholic faith and were baptised
and you resolved to make some drastic lifestyle changes—all after hearing the voice of an
unseen child singing “pick up and read, pick up and read”—leading you to that Bible passage
in the Letter of St. Paul to the Romans 13: 13-14. I’ll just read that passage out for the audience:
“Not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual excess and lust, not in quarreling and jealousy. Rather, put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh.”
So, just prior to that you were crying, going through an intense emotional crisis, racked with
shame about your divided will and your inability to live a life of self-denial like St. Antony
Can you tell us more about what happened
And you never heard any more strange voices after
And you’ve been totally celibate since
I’ve heard about the rumours Set the record straight
How promiscuous and “sinful” were you really compared to what you reveal in your book
And your “liaisons” included men too
Tell us more about your mother Monnica
I must admit I laughed at how you describe when as a child she would sneak
wine from the cask every time she was sent to fetch it; and how she
stopped when a servant cruelly teased her about it
How would you describe your relationship with your mother From all accounts you were very close
I read in your book, that when you were leaving for Rome, and I quote,
“she was hanging onto me coercively, trying to either stop
my journey or come along with me on it.”
You wrote that you got quite angry with her and even had to lie to her
and you described her longing to be with you, as “carnale desiderium”
Do you still believe all women inherit “the vestiges of Eve”
Can you give us an example of how you believe
these manifest in traits or behaviours
Did your mother force you to ditch your ‘baby-mama’, your common-law-wife of 14 years
or did she leave on her own accord after her conversion
I read she vowed never ever to have anything
else to do with men Is she still living a celibate life at the monastery
Do you feel any remorse—or blame
yourself at all, at all, for what happened
By the way, what was her name again
How old was she when you met her and how did you guys meet
So, in your book, you write about that mystical moment in 387, in Ostia You and your mother were
discussing how no physical pleasure—not even the greatest sex, could compare to the happiness
of the Saints and everlasting life Then you had a shared vision—your souls climbing through
degrees of matter, through the heavenly spheres, towards eternity beyond time
And then you both reached an ecstatic rapturous climax together
You describe it as the most intense moment of your life
Can you share with us more details on what exactly happened
What it felt like
Your mother died soon after, right, you were 33 at the time I believe
I’d like to talk now about your doctrine of Original Sin, Originale Peccatum Let’s just call it OS
So, you believe because Adam and Eve disobeyed God, and ate the forbidden fruit, the whole of
humanity is forever condemned to be born with OS; born inherently sinful with a built-in urge to do
bad things—and that’s how death entered the world It’s a controversial concept, would love to know
more Explain to us in detail your doctrine of OS and
how OS gets propagated down the generations
So, the father passes OS to just the sons or the daughters too
What about the mother, she doesn’t pass down OS
And OS is transmitted through passion, arousal, the lust and sexual desire leading
to intercourse, or as you put it, through “concupiscence”, right
So, your OS doctrine of propagate sin, makes marriage, and the intention to procreate, start a family,
an intentionally sinful contract then
Well how on earth did God intend for Adam and Eve to make babies, if not by
arousal and sexual intercourse Just by willing it By divine intervention
And you believe a new born baby who hasn’t done anything, is already damaged by OS
and faces eternal damnation, if they die without being baptised
And the only way to be saved, is by God granting divine Grace,
getting baptised, confession and asking for forgiveness
So, you’re saying we have free will and moral agency, but our free will
is only inclined to sin and to only do bad things—unless we get help to do better, from God
That doesn’t sound much like free will to me
I assume then you’re on the Nature side of the Nurture vs Nature argument
So where exactly does OS reside The blood The DNA The brain The body The breath
In the thin air
I wonder where we would be if someone went back in time and said
“whatever you do, don’t eat that fruit”
By the way, what do you think about Apple Inc., the multinational technology company,
using that bitten fruit for their branding What do you think it symbolises for them
There are a couple of incidents growing up that you mention in Confessions, as being significant
to your eventual OS doctrine, one was your father’s reaction and comments on seeing your
erection when you guys were at the bathhouse, when you were a teenager Tell us what happened
And your mum’s reaction
So, you were confused and ashamed about where the erection came from
Why you were not in command
of your own organ and why it seemed to have a mind of its own—an involuntary arousal
Another incident was how you got a thrill out of stealing things with your mates, like the pears
not because you wanted the items per se, but more the adrenaline rush of stealing
Looking back, don’t you think these were just normal childish pranks kids
get up to—not anything to get too hung up about
Define Sin, simply
Where did Sin come from then, and how did it get here in the world to allow Adam to sin in the first
place Why did God create Adam and Eve with the ability to sin
why didn’t God just untick that option on the human creation model 1.0
Do you still wholeheartedly stand by your views on OS
non posse non peccare, massa peccati, and, in my opinion
your very pessimistic picture of humanity’s ability
not to sin—not to be inclined to do good
Some people have said your doctrine of OS is based on flawed logic, false
assumptions; and has had serious negative consequences in the world
That OS doctrine is misogynistic, anti-sexual love, perversely negative about sexuality
doesn’t encourage one to take responsibility for one’s actions, shifts blame, leads to
excess shame and guilt complexes, and sets impossible ideals to live up to, etc
Also, it’s unfair to punish humanity for crimes committed by Adam and Eve
How do you respond
Do you take responsibility for any of your actions or life choices
or do you blame every “sinful” or bad thing you do, have done, on OS
Do you still feel the same about Pelagius’s views about free will and divine given grace
For the sake of the audience, let me read some of his beliefs that opposed yours:
1. Adam was created mortal and would have died whether he had sinned or not
2. the sin of Adam injured himself alone, not the whole human race
3. newborn children are in the same state in which Adam was before his fall
4. unbaptized infants have eternal life
5. neither by the death and sin of Adam does the whole human race die, nor will it rise because of the resurrection of Christ
6. the law as well as the gospel offers entrance to the Kingdom of Heaven
7. even before the coming of Christ, and under the old covenant, there were men wholly without sin
Also, Pelagius and his followers denied unconditional predestination, right
Do you feel any remorse about Pelagius’s excommunication
condemnation by the Church and expulsion from Jerusalem
By the way, do you have pdf’s of Pelagius’s treatises
On Nature and Defense of the Freedom of the Will
you could email me please Would love to read them
At one time you thought the Bible stories were crude, absurd allegories
but then changed your mind Who or what convinced you they should be
taken literally Do you still think Genesis should be interpreted literally
The Roman Catholic Church eventually reversed your view that
unbaptised babies go to hell when they die, and now they go to heaven
How do you feel about that
I recently had Andrew Jasko on the show
He wrote an article The Trauma that Inspired Oppressive Biblical Teachings
Have you come across it Would love to know what you think of his ideas
You are such a prolific writer
How many books now
What do you hope your readers get
from reading your work
How would you like to be remembered
Tell us about your new book, Even if I am mistaken, I am (It’s Up To Me If I Change My Mind)
What is it about What made you write it Where is it available
How has self-publishing worked out for you
On a scale of 1 to 10, how sinful would you say you were before and after conversion
Just teasing
So, tell us, is everlasting life
really better than great sex
And what does a saintly man like Aurelius do for relaxation
What music do you listen to
Do you have any hobbies
Do you do yoga, meditation,
TikTok, Netflix
Do you have a blog, website, Facebook page, Instagram, Twitter accounts
where folks can follow what you’re up to
Sadly, that’s all we have time for but I think we’ll have to have you on again
So many areas we did not cover, like your thoughts about memory and time
Thank you so much for granting me this interview
Before you go, one final question Aurelius
Do you still wish only to know two things, God and the Soul
…
Some of Oprah’s thoughts during the interview (in no particular order)
[We’ve not discussed these questions before Let’s see how this goes My career is riding on this]
[He’s much darker than some of his pictures on the internet]
[He seems very sincere]
[Not bad in the looks department]
[I really should not have asked that]
[Those fierce piercing eyes, wow!]
[His mother sounds a bit overbearing, not quite Joan Crawford Mommie Dearest, but still a force]
[hmmm no answer Moving swiftly on to the next question]
[He’s quite a force himself Charming but intense No signs of nerves yet]
[How’s my hair looking you all]
[Oh god, help me keep a straight face, he succumbed to pear pressure lmao]
[That’s convenient]
[Oh no! I don’t believe he just said “you can read about that in my book”]
[He’s one of the most brilliant, bullishly articulate men I’ve ever interviewed]
[Wow, he is so well read]
[He’s very eccentric]
[That’s a whole heap of leading questions I’m asking lol]
[Did he just mansplain that]
[I can’t believe I asked him that on a live show]
[So that conveniently lets God off the hook for any evil in the world then]
[He’s crying Wasn’t expecting that! Good for audience interest though]
[I’ve read Confessions hmmm self justification—self creation?]
[He’s very passionate]
[Eye shift, fidget, hands twitching]
[That’s quite a story Make a blockbuster film Would love to play Monnica]
[He’s got great hair]
[Yah yah yah yah heard that before]
[He’s very likeable I like him]
[How’s my make-up holding up These lights are hot]
[That’s definitely one for the next Book Club]
[He’s a little weird]
[I need a drink]
[Oops got to get him back on my side]
[Sweat above upper lip]
[Wacko!]
[Uh oh! fire alarm just went off Switch to a 2 minute commercial break Fuck Fuck]
[I was surprised he was willing to go so far with this]
[Ah how touching]
[Not sure I believe that]
[He seems very earnest, honest…well as honest and forthcoming as he wants to be…or can be]
[So relieved that’s over! I think it went well I’ll let you all be the judge]
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